This morning I woke up and had this intense desire to go back to bed. I seem to get that feeling fairly frequently if I’m waking up early. This morning was the first time I recognized that desire consciously though. I thought, “This feeling is temporary.” Never really struck me until now that desires/emotions are temporary; I have definitely subconsciously thought that, as most people do, but have never reflected on the fact. Sure enough, after stepping foot into the gym, I felt inspired and excited for the day. If I would’ve gone back to bed, I would’ve woken up an hour or two later feeling just as upset about getting out of bed as I did earlier. It’s funny how as humans we can recognize this truth, but still give in to those instant yet harmful desires so often. Whenever I’m in that situation where I don’t want to do something but know I really should, I think about Jocko Willink. He was asked on a podcast what he thinks when he has to do things he doesn’t want to do like train, get out of bed, or avoid eating those “sugar coated lies” (lol). He replied “Nothing. I think about nothing.” Sounds stupid, but it’s worked wonders for me. Just don’t think about it at all and move your body in the motion of what you know you should do.
Not only are desires/emotions temporary, though. Everything is temporary. Even life is. This past weekend, a Dayton student and someone I would consider my friend died. Completely unexpectedly. It was a freak accident. The fact of the matter is that that person could’ve been me. It could be me. It could be you. None of us have a fucking clue when our last breath will be. “Memento Mori” means “remember you will die” in Latin. It’s a stoic principle stating that we must remind ourselves we will eventually die. We, along with everyone around us and everyone we love, will eventually be rotting corpses and will most likely be forgotten by everyone existing in later life. It’s a freeing feeling when you really wrap your head around it.
Heartbreak is something that I fear a lot. I think a lot of people fear it, and that’s maybe because it’s somewhat inevitable if you truly let yourself love someone/something. I went through a breakup freshman year of college, and it felt as though someone had stabbed me in the heart with a bunch of mini needles. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t have much of an attraction for other women even months after the breakup. I would talk to some friends and siblings about the situation because I simply didn’t know what to do (and talking about it helped). Breakups suck in the moment. They do. There’s no positive way to spin it. “Time heals” was what my brother told me every time I’d talk to him about it, and those two words are the truest words when it comes to moving on from a relationship. Time heals. It really does–every day was a little easier, and eventually, after probably a year or so, I was completely over it. Now I’m dating the most incredible person I’ve ever met. It’s funny–I was so upset about the breakup, but it’s not until you’ve completely moved on that you can look back and think “Shit. That relationship really had its issues didn’t it.” It’s nearly impossible to see those red flags and issues when you’re the one living it day-by-day. Maybe that’s why people swear they’ll be with someone forever then end up getting divorced. Or why some people stay in relationships when all of their friends (who are right 99.99% of the time) say that they don’t like your significant other or relationship.
Bit of a rant today. Kinda all over the place. This was fun.
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